Understanding

Same shit, different day. I have to understand, I have to experience, to watch passively and intellectually understand is not good enough for me. Fucking being a scorpio. I have to be an active part, to suffer simultaneously, or else I am not good enough.

You all know what I mean. I have to understand, I want to, you know what I want to do. If you don't I don't care. What matters is that it's true and that's that and I don't give a shit that I'm not making any sense. I'm making sense to me, and that's all that matters. I have to talk about it in some capacity because I feel like I'm losing it, and if I do that entirely, then... I'll probably end up cutting. I really, really want to. I won't, but the desire is very strong. Fuck.

One of these days I'll let it go and appreciate my strengths. But today and every day prior, my strengths ARE my weaknesses.