Commercialism and Eating Disorders

Two things I thought I'd never get caught up in, but here I am all the same. For the last few weeks or so, I've had this crazy urge to spend money on myself, I just want STUFF. I don't know why, I usually don't care too much, but lately I've just wanted to shop a lot. I actually bought some stuff off the clearance table at Abercrombie for the first time in my life a couple weeks ago, and today I bought, yikes, a $160.00 phone!! I got the pink razr, which is a HUGE upgrade from the piece of crap phone I had before... it didn't even have a camera. Hahaha.

This is the thing, before a couple weeks ago I wouldn't have even cared, I never even dreamed of a $160.00 phone. Ay yai yai. But today I spent all that money on it. Whew.

And then there's the food thing. I'm just not as fond of it anymore. I don't want to go into the whole thing at this precise moment in time, but the basic issue is that I never thought I'd ever be at risk for anorexia, but lately I have been really obsessed with body image, and doing all kinds of stuff like the body-fat pinching, constant waist size measuring (26.5"!) and weight (127!) I don't want to get too sucked in, but I also don't want to, you know, get fat... I'm kind of obsessed with perfect. And I have OCD, so I have a really hard time with letting stuff go. Ugh.

On the bright side, I'm finally dating!! I'm going out with this guy from work, he's pretty sweet. Totally into me. That does make me feel better... doesn't always make me feel like eating, but he makes me happy. We had a really great date at the beach the other day, we watched the sunset from a tree... at the end I was about to kiss him but I chickened out cause I'm shy like that... then he told me later he was thinking the same thing. So cute. It sucks that he lives so far away though. Oh well, we'll work it out. :)

Aaaand I'm braindead now, more tomorrow. Isn't it funny how one's brain just quits thinking in words sometimes?